What Are Feelings? How to Feel Your Emotions in a Healthy Way
Do you ever feel overwhelmed by emotions—or disconnected from them entirely? You're not alone. Many of us were never taught how to identify, process, or express our emotions in a healthy way.
In this post, we’ll explore:
What feelings are
Why do we struggle to feel them
Step-by-step guidance on how to feel your feelings
Common myths about emotions
Whether you're healing from trauma, navigating anxiety, or just trying to better understand yourself—this guide is for you.
What Are Feelings?
Feelings, also known as emotions, are natural internal responses to your thoughts, experiences, and environment. They function like a built-in compass—helping you interpret what's going on inside and around you.
Common emotions and their roles:
Fear signals danger or threat.
Anger often points to a boundary being crossed.
Sadness reflects loss or disconnection.
Joy shows alignment and emotional fulfillment.
As Dr. Dan Siegel shares in The Whole-Brain Child, naming our emotions helps calm the nervous system by integrating emotional experiences into the brain’s rational processing.
Why Do We Struggle to Feel Our Emotions?
Many people grew up in environments where emotions weren’t modeled or welcomed. You might have heard things like:
“Stop crying.”
“You’re being too sensitive.”
“Calm down.”
These messages teach us that emotions are unsafe or shameful. Over time, we may suppress, avoid, or numb our feelings altogether. But emotions that aren’t felt don’t disappear—they get stored in the body and can resurface as:
Anxiety or depression
Chronic stress or physical tension
Emotional reactivity or numbness
In The Body Keeps the Score, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk explains how unprocessed emotions are stored in the nervous system, often manifesting as physical or psychological symptoms.
How to Feel Your Feelings: Step-by-Step
1. Pause and Notice
Start by slowing down. Take a deep breath and ask yourself:
What am I feeling right now?
Tune in to physical sensations:
Tightness in the chest
A lump in the throat
Heat in the face
Nausea or heaviness
As trauma expert Dr. Peter Levine outlines in Waking the Tiger, the body is often the first to register and communicate emotions—especially when trauma is involved.
2. Name the Emotion
Try labeling the feeling:
Angry
Sad
Anxious
Grateful
Lonely
Overwhelmed
Naming an emotion helps regulate the amygdala (the brain’s fear center) and brings the rational brain online—what Siegel calls “name it to tame it.” (Siegel, 2010). Googling an emotion wheel can help practice and build your emotion vocabulary.
3. Breathe Into It
When emotions rise, take slow, steady breaths.
Try saying to yourself:
“It’s okay to feel this.”
“This won’t last forever.”
“I can handle this.”
According to mindfulness teacher Dr. Tara Brach, most emotions pass through the body in 60–90 seconds when we stop resisting them. Her book Radical Compassion introduces the powerful RAIN method to help process them mindfully.
4. Get Curious (Not Critical)
Instead of judging your feelings, get curious:
What might this emotion be trying to tell me?
Is there an unmet need beneath this feeling?
What support do I need right now?
Curiosity and compassion are foundational for emotional health. As Dr. Brené Brown teaches in Daring Greatly, emotional vulnerability is a key ingredient of self-awareness, resilience, and connection.
5. Move or Express the Emotion
Emotions are energy—they often need a physical or creative release.
Try:
Journaling
Talking to someone you trust
Crying
Dancing
Taking a walk
Screaming into a pillow (seriously—it helps)
Practices like Brach’s RAIN technique encourage us to nurture emotional expression rather than suppress it.
Myths About Emotions (That Keep Us Stuck)
Myth: Feeling emotions makes you weak.
Truth: Emotional awareness is a strength. (Greater Good Science Center)Myth: If I let myself feel, I’ll never stop.
Truth: Emotions are temporary. You will get through it. (Brach, 2019)Myth: Ignoring emotions gives me control.
Truth: Avoided emotions often gain control subconsciously. (Van der Kolk, 2014)
What It Really Means to "Feel Your Feelings"
Feeling your feelings is not the same as ruminating or spiraling out of control. It’s:
Allowing yourself to notice what’s present
Breathing through the discomfort
Listening to your body and emotions
Responding with kindness instead of judgment
This supports nervous system regulation and trauma recovery. (American Psychological Association)
Final Thoughts: You Were Made to Feel
You are not too much. You are not broken.
You were made to feel.
Emotions are a vital part of being human. Learning how to feel your feelings is an act of courage—and one of the most powerful tools for healing trauma, building emotional resilience, and living authentically.
Try This Mini Self-Check-In:
Take a moment and ask yourself:
What am I feeling right now?
Where do I feel it in my body?
What might this emotion need from me?
You don’t need to fix it. Just notice. That alone is healing.
Want more tools for emotional healing and self-awareness?
Reach out today to schedule a free 20-minute consultation and see how I can support you in building self-awareness, processing emotions, and healing from within. Together, we can create space for clarity, connection, and authentic growth.
