Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail — and What to Do Instead
By Q Porschatis, LCSW — Trauma-Focused EMDR & Somatic Therapist in Salt Lake City
Every January, millions of people set resolutions with the best intentions:
“Get healthier.”
“Work out more.”
“Lose 20 pounds.”
“Be more consistent.”
But as the year winds down, many people also feel a familiar pressure rise in their body — a blend of hope, urgency, and self-criticism whispering: “Next year will be different. I just need more discipline.”
If that hits close to home, you’re not alone.
Most New Year’s resolutions fail by early February, not because you’re unmotivated or inconsistent, but because your nervous system doesn’t respond to pressure, shame, or sudden overhauls.
If you’ve spent the last year in survival mode — juggling work demands, stress, burnout, and old trauma patterns — resolutions can feel like just one more place you’ve “fallen short.”
But here’s the truth:
As an EMDR and somatic therapist in Salt Lake City, I help clients move from overwhelm into regulation and grounded change. Today, I want to show you a different way to approach the new year — one rooted in nervous-system science and sustainable healing.
1. Resolutions Expect Motivation to Come First (But It Never Does)
Most people believe:
“I’ll start when I feel motivated.”
But neuroscience shows the opposite:
Motivation is created by small action — not the starting point.
When you complete a tiny behavior (a 5-minute walk, one glass of water, a 30-second stretch), your brain releases dopamine. Dopamine increases motivation → which increases repetition → which builds identity and routine.
Resolutions fail because they rely on motivation, which fluctuates with stress, sleep, hormones, emotional load, and nervous-system capacity.
Action creates motivation. Not the other way around.
2. Your Body Hasn’t Been Failing You — It’s Been Protecting You
If you’ve been living in fight-or-flight or freeze — even subtly — your nervous system prioritizes survival, not self-improvement.
When your body perceives overload, the brain regions responsible for planning, motivation, and follow-through literally go offline.
So when people say, “I just need more motivation and discipline,” they’re misunderstanding the mechanics of change.
The issue isn’t discipline — it’s capacity.
Your body isn’t resisting change to frustrate you. It’s trying to keep you safe.
3. Resolutions Ignore Internal Barriers (Which Are the Real Blocks)
Most people set external goals:
work out more
drink less
eat healthier
save money
be consistent
But the real obstacles are internal:
chronic stress
burnout
trauma responses
perfectionism
fear of failure
low window of tolerance
shame-based self-talk
emotional exhaustion
You cannot build new habits on a dysregulated system.
This is why January often becomes a cycle of:
overcommitting → pushing hard → crashing → self-judgment.
4. Fight / Flight / Freeze / Fawn: Why Your Body Resists Change
When you set a big resolution, your body may move into a survival state:
Fight — rigid rules, intensity, “all or nothing”
Flight — avoidance because the goal feels too big
Freeze — shutdown, procrastination, feeling “stuck”
Fawn — goals based on others’ expectations
These are not personality flaws.
They’re nervous-system states.
When your body feels unsafe, change feels unsafe.
This is where therapies like EMDR and somatic therapy help — they release old patterns so your body no longer treats change as a threat.
5. Resolutions Try to Change Too Much, Too Fast
If you’ve spent the last 3 months (or the last 3 years):
overwhelmed
sedentary
eating for comfort
drinking more during the holidays
skipping movement because your brain is exhausted
…your body adapted to that rhythm.
Then January 1 arrives and the expectation becomes:
“Work out 5 days a week.”
“Lose 20 pounds.”
“Cut out sugar entirely.”
“Overhaul my whole life overnight.”
This creates nervous-system whiplash.
Your system can’t leap — it can only walk.
Small, consistent actions will always outperform big, dramatic ones. And most people do better by adding supportive habits rather than taking things away. When you try to eliminate something entirely — like cutting out sugar overnight — your nervous system often responds with heightened craving and urgency. Adding nourishment and structure creates safety; restriction creates threat.
6. Resolutions Focus on Outcomes, Not Habits
“Lose 20 pounds”
“Be healthier”
“Stop drinking”
“Become consistent”
These aren’t behaviors — they’re outcomes.
You can’t do an outcome.
You can only do:
drinking one glass of water
taking a five-minute walk
breathing for ten counts before responding
pausing to drink water before pouring a drink
stretching after your shower
Outcomes create pressure.
Habits create identity.
And identity sustains change.
7. Resolutions Skip the Vision Step (Which the Brain Needs)
The brain can’t maintain effort toward an abstract, vague goal.
If you don’t have a felt-sense vision of:
Who you want to become
What you want to be doing with your time and energy
What you want to have — especially peace in your mind and safety in your body
And the emotional tone you want to move through this year with
…your behavior has nothing to anchor into.
A clear, embodied vision creates momentum.
8. Your Nervous System Has Limited Bandwidth for Change
If you’ve lived in survival mode — even high-functioning survival mode — your body uses most of its energy managing stress.
Change requires:
safety
stability
rest
presence
grounded decision-making
A dysregulated nervous system cannot sustain change.
A regulated one can.
If this resonates, you may benefit from trauma therapy or stress and burnout therapy to expand your capacity gently.
9. What Actually Works: A Nervous-System Informed Approach
Here’s what helps change stick — especially if you’ve experienced trauma, chronic stress, or high-functioning burnout. Build gentle accountability or tracking – even a simple checklist or note in your phone can help your brain register, “I’m doing it,” which reinforces the habit.
Start with regulation, not resolutions
2–3 minutes of regulated breathing.
A short grounding walk.
Humming. Stretching.
Small signals of safety create capacity.
Choose tiny shifts, not massive overhauls
If it takes more than 2-5 minutes to begin, it might be too big.
Align changes with your natural rhythms
Winter = slowing down
Spring = expansion
You are allowed to follow your body, not the calendar.
Understand your “why” from a compassionate lens
Ask:
“What do I long to feel?”
Not:
“What should I fix?”
Build habits that feel safe, not punishing
Your nervous system needs support, not pressure.
Expect setbacks — they’re part of the process
Consistency is not “never missing.”
Consistency is “I always come back.”
10. How Therapy Helps Create Sustainable Change
Therapy doesn’t force you into discipline — it builds the conditions where discipline becomes natural.
Whether through EMDR, somatic therapy, or trauma-informed approaches, therapy helps you:
regulate your nervous system
understand survival patterns
release old beliefs (“I never stick with anything”)
create tiny, sustainable shifts rooted in safety
move from survival mode into stability
Change becomes easier when your body feels safe enough to allow it.
If You’re Ready for Support
If you’re craving real change this year — the kind that feels sustainable, compassionate, and actually doable — therapy can help you build habits that match your nervous system, not fight against it.
If you’re ready for support, book a free consultation, and let’s talk about what you want this next season of your life to feel like.
