Gratitude and Trauma: Why “Being Thankful” Can Feel Impossible (And How Your Brain Can Rewire Anyway)

By Q Porschatis, LCSW

If you’ve lived through trauma, all the Thanksgiving “gratitude posts” can feel like sandpaper to your nervous system. You might logically know you have good things in your life, yet still feel flat, on edge, or disconnected.

You might even judge yourself: “I should be more grateful. Other people have it worse. What’s wrong with me?”

Nothing is wrong with you. A traumatized nervous system is wired to scan for threat, not joy. But here’s the part I love as a trauma therapist: real, grounded gratitude practices can slowly help rewire a brain stuck in survival mode — without minimizing or bypassing your experience.

This post covers:

• What research says about gratitude and how it changes the brain

• How gratitude can support trauma recovery

• Simple, trauma-informed gratitude practices

The Science of Gratitude: What Research Actually Shows

Gratitude is not just a cute journal on your nightstand — it’s one of the most researched tools in positive psychology, and the findings are surprisingly powerful.

Gratitude improves mental health

Multiple randomized controlled trials (the most rigorous scientific standard) show that gratitude practices can significantly improve mental health. People who engage in gratitude journaling or gratitude letters report:

• Higher overall well-being

• Improved mood

• Decreases in anxiety and depression symptoms

In one well-known study, people in therapy wrote weekly gratitude letters. They reported significantly better mental health 4 weeks and 12 weeks later — even after they stopped writing. The effects lasted.

Gratitude activates brain regions related to healing

Functional MRI research shows that experiencing gratitude activates:

• The ventromedial prefrontal cortex (vmPFC) — involved in emotional regulation, meaning-making, decision-making

• The ventral striatum and nucleus accumbens — areas associated with pleasure, reward, and connection

In one study, a three-week gratitude journaling habit increased activity in these regions, suggesting real neural change over time. This is neuroplasticity: repetition shaping your brain’s pathways.

Gratitude affects the body, too

Research has linked gratitude practice with:

• Lower cortisol

• Reduced inflammation

• Better sleep

• Greater emotional resilience

This matters because trauma often pushes the body into chronic survival mode — with high cortisol, hypervigilance, and difficulty calming down. Gratitude isn’t a cure, but it can be one gentle pathway back toward regulation.

Why “Gratitude Lists” Aren’t Enough (And What Works Better)

There’s a newer wave of gratitude research that shifts the old advice of “just list three things you’re grateful for.”

A large randomized controlled study (Regan, Walsh & Lyubomirsky, 2023) found that while gratitude lists are helpful, they don’t always move the needle in a meaningful way — especially for people who are overwhelmed, burnt out, or stuck in survival mode.

What worked better? Depth, not breadth.

Participants who took one meaningful thing (or one person) they were grateful for and wrote a long-form gratitude letter or reflection experienced:

• stronger feelings of gratitude

• more warmth and elevation

• higher positive emotion

• greater overall well-being

…compared to people who just listed a few items.

In other words:
Your nervous system benefits more from slowing down and expanding one moment of gratitude than from rushing through a list of five.

And an important nuance for trauma survivors: the study also showed that these deeper gratitude practices can bring up mixed emotions — including tenderness, vulnerability, and even a sense of indebtedness. So if the idea of writing a gratitude letter feels big, that makes sense. You get to move gently. You can choose someone who feels safe, or even write to something non-human (your dog, your favorite hiking trail, your body for carrying you).

The takeaway?
You don’t need to “be grateful for everything.”
You just need one thing that feels real — and a moment to sit with it. This depth is what seems to shift the brain, not the length of the list.

How Gratitude and Trauma Interact (Without Toxic Positivity)

Let’s get this clear: gratitude is not about being thankful for what happened to you.
And it’s not about ignoring your pain.

This is about using gratitude as a supportive resource — not a shortcut, not a bypass.

Gratitude as a protective factor

Studies show that people who are more inclined toward gratitude tend to have:

• Lower lifetime rates of PTSD

• Less depression

• Higher levels of post-traumatic growth

• More psychological resilience overall

This does not mean gratitude prevents trauma reaction. It means it may create buffers and openings that support recovery over time.

Gratitude is not “be positive” culture

If you’ve ever been told…

• “Just focus on the good.”

• “Someone always has it worse.”

• “Be grateful you survived.”

…that’s not gratitude.
That’s dismissal.

Trauma-informed gratitude acknowledges:

• Your pain is real

• Your nervous system is doing its best to protect you

• Small moments of safety or connection can coexist with suffering

Gratitude, in a trauma context, is about allowing small islands of okay-ness to exist alongside the pain, not instead of it.

How Gratitude Supports Trauma Healing

In my therapy work, I think of gratitude as a gentle nervous-system resource — something that widens capacity rather than forcing positivity.

Widening your window of tolerance

Trauma can shrink your window of tolerance, making it harder to regulate emotions or stay present. Small gratitude practices can help the nervous system shift toward safety long enough to process the hard stuff.

Because gratitude engages the vmPFC (emotion regulation), it can make therapy — especially EMDR and somatic work — feel more doable.

Shifting from threat-scanning to safety-scanning

Trauma teaches your brain to look for what could go wrong:

• What might hurt me?

• What danger am I missing?

• What if something bad happens again?

Gratitude gently trains your brain to also notice what is not dangerous in this moment. Even 10 seconds of this matters.

Supporting integration after EMDR or somatic sessions

Post-processing can feel raw or tender. Grounded gratitude practices can help:

• Bring you back into your body

• Reinforce new beliefs (I’m worthy, I’m safe now, I can trust myself)

• Anchor you in the present moment

This isn’t performative gratitude. It’s soothing gratitude.

Trauma-Informed Gratitude Practices You Can Actually Tolerate

Many trauma survivors feel irritated, pressured, or shut down by traditional gratitude lists. So let’s drop the forced positivity and move toward practices that are gentle, grounded, and nervous-system-safe.

1. The “Lowest Lift” Gratitude Check

Once a day — or once a week — ask:

“Is there one thing today that felt neutral-to-okay for my nervous system?”

Not amazing. Not life-changing. Just okay.

Examples:

• Your pet curled up next to you

• Warm water over your hands or shoulders

• A tiny softening in your chest or jaw

• A small task you checked off without pressure

The point is repetition, not intensity.

2. The Somatic Gratitude Scan

This one pairs gratitude with body awareness.

1. Take a slow inhale and exhale (4 counts in, pause, 6 counts out).

2. Scan your body:

   • “What part of me feels the least tense right now?”

3. Place a hand there if it feels right.

4. Silently say:

   • “Thank you for getting me through today.”

This is incredibly regulating for people with trauma.

3. Gratitude for Your Boundaries

This is gratitude with teeth.

Write down three things you’re grateful you said no to, ended, or protected yourself from this year.

Examples:

• “I’m grateful I ended that draining friendship.”

• “I’m grateful I stopped working past 9 pm.”

• “I’m grateful I trusted my gut and stepped away from that situation.”

This reinforces self-trust and agency — something trauma often steals.

4. The Gratitude Letter (You Don’t Have to Send It)

The strongest gratitude research comes from letter-writing.

Try this:

1. Think of someone who made your life a little easier, kinder, or safer.

2. Write a letter explaining:

   • What they did

   • Why it mattered

   • How it impacted you

3. Keep it or send it — either way, the benefits remain.

The point is slowing down enough to fully feel the appreciation.

5. Trauma-Safe Journal Prompts

Try prompts that don’t sugarcoat your reality:

• “Today was difficult. AND one thing that helped me cope was…”

• “Someone who has supported my healing is…”

• “Something my body has survived that I want to thank it for is…”

• “One thing I’m grateful I no longer tolerate is…”

Even one sentence counts.

A Gentle Invitation, If You’re Looking for Support

If gratitude feels complicated for you — especially this time of year — you’re not alone. Trauma, anxiety, and chronic stress can all make gratitude feel forced or out of reach.

You don’t need to “gratitude your way out” of trauma.
You don’t have to feel thankful for what you survived.
And you don’t have to navigate healing alone.

At Salty Counseling in Salt Lake City, I work with driven, thoughtful adults who are tired of living in survival mode. Through EMDR, somatic therapy, and nervous-system-informed work, we slow down and help your system find its way back to steadiness.

If you want support this season, you’re welcome to Book a free 20-minute consultation to see if we’re a good fit.

No pressure. Just a place where your nervous system, your story, and your capacity all get to matter.

Related Resources at Salty Counseling

If you’re wanting to learn more about healing from trauma, you may find these pages helpful:

• EMDR Therapy in Salt Lake City — how EMDR helps process painful memories

• Somatic Therapy for Trauma — body-based tools for calming your nervous system

• Anxiety Therapy — support for chronic stress, overthinking, and fear cycles

• Stress & Burnout Therapy — for high-achieving professionals stuck in survival mode

• Trauma Therapy for Adults — an overview of how I help clients heal safely and steadily

Research & Sources

These studies explore gratitude, trauma, and the neuroscience behind well-being.

• Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

• Regan, A., Walsh, L., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2023). Benefits of gratitude letters vs. gratitude lists: A randomized controlled trial.

• Kini, P., Wong, J., McInnis, S., Gabana, N., & Brown, J. W. (2016). The effects of gratitude meditation on neural activity. Psychological Science.

• Toepfer, S. M., Cichy, K., & Peters, P. (2012). Letters of gratitude: Improving well-being through expression.

• Wood, A. M., Maltby, J., Gillett, R., Linley, P. A., & Joseph, S. (2008). The role of gratitude in well-being and resilience.