Coping with Trauma Triggers During the Holidays: How to Stay Grounded, Resourced & Connected
By Q Porschatis, LCSW
The holiday season is often portrayed as a joyful, cozy, and nostalgic time. But for trauma survivors, the holidays can bring a very different experience—one filled with pressure, overwhelm, complicated family dynamics, or reminders of painful memories. If this time of year leaves you feeling on edge, shut down, irritable, or emotionally exhausted, you’re not alone.
As a trauma therapist in Salt Lake City, I see a noticeable spike in stress, anxiety, and nervous system dysregulation this time of year. The holidays can activate old wounds, disrupt routines, and stir up feelings you may have worked hard to manage throughout the year.
The good news: you can navigate holiday triggers with more clarity, feel grounded, and have more choice in how you respond—without abandoning yourself or pretending everything is fine.
This guide breaks down why holidays can feel triggering, how trauma responses show up during seasonal stress, and practical tools to help you stay steady and connected to yourself.
Why Holidays Can Be Triggering for Trauma Survivors
Even if your life looks different now, the body remembers. Sensory cues, family interactions, expectations, and disruptions in routine can activate old survival patterns rooted in trauma.
1. Family dynamics and relational triggers
The holidays often mean spending time with family members who may have been sources of stress, invalidation, neglect, or emotional harm. Even one uncomfortable interaction can send your system into protection mode.
Common triggers:
Critical or dismissive comments
Feeling responsible for everyone’s emotional experience
Being around people who minimized or ignored past harm
Old roles resurfacing (caretaker, peacemaker, “the responsible one”)
2. Sensory overload + overstimulation
Lights, noise, crowds, travel, and constant socializing generate a lot of sensory input during the holidays. When your nervous system already carries trauma, chronic stress, or exhaustion, this extra stimulation can quickly push you outside your window of tolerance—especially for trauma survivors, people with sensory sensitivities, or anyone prone to burnout.
3. Disrupted routines
Your daily rhythm is one of your greatest nervous-system regulators. Holidays can interrupt:
Sleep
Eating patterns
Movement
Alone time
Therapy sessions or support systems
Without structure, the body can feel unanchored.
4. Emotional memories + anniversaries
Certain dates, songs, smells, or traditions can bring up memories connected to grief, loss, or past traumatic events—even if you consciously don’t think about them.
Grief Hits Hard During the Holidays (and It Makes Sense)
For many people, the holidays are a reminder of who isn’t here anymore. Grief can show up as sadness, irritability, anger, numbness, or a heavy ache you can’t quite name. Even if you’ve moved forward, your body and nervous system remember the people and experiences you’ve lost—and this time of year brings those memories closer to the surface.
You might feel grief around:
the death of a loved one
estrangement or complicated family relationships
a breakup or divorce
a lost sense of home or belonging
a past version of yourself you’re still healing from
traditions that no longer feel possible
milestones someone didn’t get to be a part of
The holidays amplify these losses because the world is celebrating, but your heart may be holding something heavier. This doesn’t mean you’re “going backwards”—it means you’re human. Grief isn’t linear, and it often shows up during emotionally charged seasons, especially when routines shift and sensory cues bring up old emotional memories.
If grief feels big this time of year, you’re not doing anything wrong. Your nervous system is responding to real loss. It’s okay to feel tender, to cry, to step back from certain gatherings, or to create new rituals that honor what you miss.
5. Pressure to “be happy”
The cultural script says:
“It’s the most wonderful time of the year.”
“You should be grateful.”
“Just enjoy it!”
This creates internal shame if your body feels anxious, sad, or overwhelmed—making the trigger worse.
Reminder: If the holidays bring up big feelings, it does not mean you’re failing. It means your body is trying to protect you.
How Trauma Triggers Show Up During the Holidays
Trauma responses can be subtle or intense. You may notice:
Fight Responses
Irritability
Snapping at loved ones
Feeling on edge
Defensiveness
Flight Responses
Rushing around
Staying busy to avoid feelings
Overworking or over-preparing
Freeze Responses
Feeling shut down
Difficulty making decisions
Numbness or dissociation
Fawn Responses
People-pleasing
Over-giving
Avoiding conflict
Minimizing your needs
Recognizing these responses with compassion—not judgment—is the first step in shifting them.
10 Trauma-Informed Strategies to Stay Grounded During the Holidays
These are tools my clients find most helpful during this season. They’re gentle, accessible, and work with the nervous system—not against it.
1. Create Your “Holiday Regulation Plan”
Your nervous system feels safer with a plan in place. Consider:
Where you’ll be
Who stirs up activation
What boundaries you want to hold
Where you can take breaks
Exit strategies if a situation becomes too overwhelming
Even thinking through these options signals safety to your body.
2. Identify Your Predictable Triggers
Make a quick list:
What typically activates me during the holidays?
Who feels challenging to be around?
What sensory environments overwhelm me?
Naming them reduces their power.
3. Anchor Your Daily Nervous-System Routines
Even during travel or family gatherings, keep 1–2 small regulating habits:
10 minutes of morning or evening to unwind
Lying on the floor and letting your body soften
A short walk
Stretching
Deep breaths
Stepping outside for fresh air
These micro-moments reset your stress baseline.
4. Set Boundaries That Protect Your Peace
You do not have to:
Attend every event
Stay longer than your body can tolerate
Explain your healing process
Engage with people who treat you poorly
You can:
Leave early
Say “no, thank you”
Skip traditions that no longer feel safe
Take alone time without guilt
Boundaries are not rejection—they’re regulation and the best way to protect your peace.
5. Plan for Connection With Safe People
If you’re spending time around stressful family members, schedule check-ins with:
supportive friends
your partner
your therapist
chosen family
This can counterbalance activation and provide emotional grounding.
6. Give Yourself Permission to Opt Out
It is completely valid to choose:
a quiet holiday
alternative plans
time in nature
solo rituals
simplifying everything
Your well-being matters more than tradition.
7. Use Resourcing + Visualization When Triggered
“Resourcing” is a trauma therapy technique where you visualize in the mind's eye or connect with something that brings a sense of safety or strength.
Try:
imagining a calming space
feeling your feet against the ground
placing a hand over your heart
recalling a supportive person
This shifts your body toward regulation.
8. Lower Your Expectations (on purpose!)
Pressure creates dysregulation.
Intentionally decide:
“This doesn’t need to be perfect.”
“It’s okay if this year looks different.”
“I’m allowed to feel however I feel.”
This alone can reduce panic and overwhelm.
9. Seek Professional Support If You Need It
Holiday triggers can surface deeper layers of trauma that are ready to be healed. EMDR, somatic therapy, and parts work can help you work through the root causes in a safe, structured way.
How to Talk to Loved Ones About Your Needs (If You Want To)
You don’t owe anyone an explanation, but if you choose to share, keep it simple:
“I may need more breaks this year.”
“If I step outside for a moment, I’m taking care of myself—not leaving the conversation.”
“I’m being mindful of my stress levels.”
“I may leave early to take care of my mental health.”
You can be honest without over-disclosing.
If You’re Recovering From Religious Trauma
In Utah, many clients navigate the holidays while distancing themselves from former religious communities or expectations.
Helpful reminders:
You get to create new meaning.
You don’t have to attend events that feel unsafe.
It’s okay if holidays bring up mixed emotions.
When the Holidays Bring Up Childhood Trauma
If this season activates early experiences of neglect, chaos, or criticism, it makes perfect sense that your body reacts. Your system is trying to protect you in the way it was programmed decades ago.
This isn’t regression—it’s your body saying, “I need support here.”
Therapeutic tools like EMDR and somatic therapy help you unlearn these patterns and create new, more empowered internal experiences.
You Deserve a Holiday Season That Feels Safe, Grounded, and Supportive
Healing doesn’t mean triggers disappear—it means you have more capacity, more tools, and more self-trust when they arise. If you want support navigating the emotional heaviness of this season or working through deeper trauma patterns, therapy can help you create lasting regulation—not just temporary coping.
You don’t have to go through the holidays overwhelmed or disconnected. Your nervous system can learn a new way.
Feeling triggered or overwhelmed this time of year?
Trauma therapy, EMDR, and somatic work can help you feel more grounded and in control again.
Book a free consultation and get support navigating holiday stress with clarity and confidence.
